Funerals are breeding grounds for bad theology.
When my sister, Sandy Adcox, died of leukemia in 2004, I remember thinking, “If one more person tells us that ‘God needed her more than we did,’ I’m going to punch them!” Of course, I didn’t, but the thought was there. Still, I had to remind myself that grief is processed differently by different people. Most of those comments were not malicious; they were sincere attempts to help. Yet well-meaning words can still wound deeply.
That experience forced me to wrestle with suffering not just emotionally, but theologically. So before returning to the specific problem of grief, it’s worth stepping back and looking at the topic of suffering in general.
Will you suffer more or less as a Christian?
The honest answer is: it depends. On one hand, following Christ should lead us into wiser living, and wise living often spares us unnecessary pain. For example , the Book of Proverbs repeatedly links godly wisdom with having a good life:
- Proverbs 3:1–2 – “…they will add length of days and years of life and peace to you.”
- Proverbs 3:13–18 – Wisdom is “a tree of life… her ways are ways of pleasantness.”
- Proverbs 16:16-“How much better to get wisdom than gold!”
Poor choices often produce suffering, and wisdom helps us avoid that.
Yes, Christ promised persecution, but He also allowed His followers to flee it when possible (Matthew 10:23) and the Book of Acts records believers doing exactly that (Acts 8:1; 9:23–25). So it is not simply a call to martyrdom for martyrdom’s sake. At the same time, however, Scripture is clear that some suffering is unavoidable for those who follow Jesus.
- Sometimes it flows from living in a fallen world, where creation itself groans under the weight of sin (Romans 8:20–23; Genesis 3:17–19).
- Sometimes it is God’s refining work, producing endurance, character, and hope (James 1:2–4; 1 Peter 1:6–7; Hebrews 12:10–11).
- As previously stated, sometimes it comes directly from identifying with Christ and sharing in His sufferings (1 Peter 4:12–16; Philippians 1:29; Philippians 3:10). This is a daily reality for countless believers around the world.¹ While it is obviously less severe in the US, anti-Christian bias here is still very real.
While Scripture refuses to flatten suffering into a single explanation, it does all serve the same purpose. As A.W. Tozer once observed: “If we understand that everything happening to us is to make us more Christlike, it will solve a great deal of anxiety in our lives.” ²
That statement is both comforting and challenging, yet it reveals why Paul can say:
“We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope.”
(Romans 5:3–5)
Notice the progression. Suffering doesn’t end in despair. Rather, it moves toward hope. Learning to rejoice in suffering is inseparable from learning to rejoice in what lies beyond it. I don’t like that any more than you do, but any coach will tell you: the athlete who can endure pain the longest is usually the one who wins.
A Path, Not a Prison
Sometimes suffering is not merely formative, it is directional. God uses it to move His people where they need to be. Joseph’s betrayal, slavery, and false imprisonment became the road to leadership and deliverance (Genesis 37–41). Daniel’s faithfulness in the lion’s den became the means of public vindication and promotion (Daniel 6). In neither case was suffering meaningless, even when it was unjust.
Which brings us to an important distinction:
Punishment or Providence?
A woman once told her pastor that she believed God was punishing her for a past abortion. He gently reminded her that God had already punished Jesus for that, and for every other sin she had ever committed! If you are in Christ, punishment has been fully exhausted at the cross.
That does not mean there are no consequences. Scripture speaks of discipline (paideia), not as retribution, but as loving correction (Hebrews 12; Ephesians 6:4). Earthly fathers discipline the flesh; the Father of spirits disciplines us for life (Hebrews 12:9). Discipline is not rejection, it is proof of sonship. Still, even right theology does not remove the sting of seemingly unanswered prayer.
Healing Hindered, Heart Hurting
I am a strong believer in, and proponent of divine healing. That is precisely why my sister’s death triggered such a crisis of faith for me. I had prayed. I had anointed her with oil. Others had prayed. We did everything we knew to do, yet she died anyway.
We can glean some important insights from the life of Kathryn Kuhlman, whose ministry was marked by astounding healings. However, she grappled with severe trauma over those who, for whatever reason, did not receive immediate healing. Her biographer, Jamie Buckingham, recounts that:
Kathryn wept after every service. Not because of those who had been healed, but because of the hundreds who went away unhealed. The healings thrilled her, but the failures broke her heart…Many times she cried herself to sleep after a service, asking God why all were not healed. There was no answer. She accepted the mystery with tears. ³
Scripture itself preserves that tension. The same Bible that records so many miracles and healings also speaks of saints who waited, suffered, and died without resolution (2 Timothy 4:20; Hebrews 11:35–40). So where does that leave us?
The Compassionate Answer
That brings us to the Bible’s best known treatise on suffering, the Book of Job. As you may know, Job was a righteous man who endured devastating suffering, losing his wealth, his children, and his health while his wife and “friends” cruelly mock him. Yet in spite of all of this, Job never receives an explanation for his suffering. God does not answer his “why.” Instead, He reveals Himself. “Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?” (Job 38). Faced with God’s majesty, Job learns something deeper than answers, he learns trust. Because of this, Scripture later holds him up as an example of steadfast faith (James 5:11).
In light of this, sometimes the most compassionate thing we can say to a hurting person is, “I don’t know.” As Deuteronomy 29:29 reminds us, “The secret things belong to the Lord.”
Eternal Perspective: The Key To Everything
In facing the cross, Jesus was very honest with His emotions. He knew everything would be all right in the end. He would rise from the dead, ascend back into Heaven and assume His rightful throne at His Father’s right hand. In spite of this, He still wept. He still agonized. Seeing that honesty is very liberating . It frees us to grieve without shame, because grief is not the end of the story.
“For the joy that was set before Him, He endured the cross.” (Hebrews 12:2) What was that joy? Reconciliation with us! Jesus would rather die than live without us. That is love!
Following in Jesus’s footsteps, Paul endured horrific suffering because of his faith. In Lystra, he was stoned and left for dead (Acts 14:19). In Philippi, he and Silas were beaten with rods, publicly humiliated, and imprisoned in stocks (Acts 16:22–24). In Jerusalem, he was seized by a mob and nearly killed before Roman soldiers intervened (Acts 21:30–32). He survived a violent shipwreck on his way to Rome, spending a night and a day adrift at sea (Acts 27; cf. 2 Corinthians 11:25). In his own words, he received “forty lashes minus one” five times, was beaten with rods three times, and faced constant danger from robbers, his own countrymen, Gentiles, and false brothers (2 Corinthians 11:24–26). Ultimately, after years of imprisonment, Paul was executed in Rome under Emperor Nero. Yet notice his attitude toward these horrible trials: “For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison.” (2 Corinthians 4:17)
As horrible as these experiences were, Paul still called them “light” compared to the glory to come! That eternal perspective changes everything. We rejoice in hope because we are sharing in Christ’s suffering and we will share in His glory as well!
Friends, we live in a tiny sliver between eternity past and eternity future. Keeping our eyes on Jesus, and on what is unseen, is the key to endurance. After all, if this world were perfect, what would Heaven be for?
Keep It Real,
James
NOTES AND BIBLIOGRAPHY
1. Organizations such as Open Doors USA and Voice of the Martyrs provide crucial educational and advocacy work on behalf of persecuted believers around the world.
2. Tozer, A. W. The Crucified Life: How to Live Out a Deeper Christian Experience. Edited by James L. Snyder, Bethany House Publishers, 2011. Quoted in A.W. Tozer Quotes, BiblePortal.com, https://bibleportal.com/author/aw-tozer/book/the-crucified-life-how-to-live-out-a-deeper-christian-experience.
3..Buckingham, Jamie. Daughter of Destiny: The Only Authorized Biography of Kathryn Kuhlman. Old Tappan, Revell, 1976. P 202, 289
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